We hear about abusing kids all the time and some people are even so passionate in this that they see the way of abusement in everything you can think of. And many more of them think that one single word or look to foreign kid is the result of wanting something from him. Usually the real abuse isn’t seen and that happens even more if abusers are the parents themselves. When talking about abusing we usually asociate this with sexual abuse and that’s almost all. But aren’t all the parents abusing their kids in a way? OUTRAGES! you’ll exclame. Yes, but only at the first glance.
Be honest toward yourselves and think a bit. How many of you – parents – want that your kids would fulfill your dreams, the dreams you once dreamed and you couldn’t make them true by yourselves? How many of you have demands toward your kids to become what you are just because of the family tradition and good public name? Did you ever ask your kid if he really wants this and if that is really the best for him? Do you ever realize that when you were young there were different times?
Did you ever demand from your kids to learn this or that because everybody in your social class are doing this particular thing? Your kid doesn’t have any talent for music for example, but he has to play piano anyway. Your daughter maybe doesn’t have any talent for ballet, but she has to attend the ballet classes etc, etc. Many kids don’t have the talent for what they have to do and they don’t even like to do these things, but parents – they don’t listen. They persuit their kids to do the things just because they think this has to be so in accordance to their social status. They are something more then the other kids parents think so they just have to be talented for something parents want, wanting or not.
Isn’t abusing kids also when they have to listen to their parent’s bickering, yelling and sometimes even beating one another? Isn’t abusing kids also when the parents are divorced and they pull their kids from one another or push them to one another? Isn’t abusing kids when you don’t give them even the slidest chance to be heard, to have the decision rights on the family matters, to be taken as their own personalities? Yes, to let kids think their own way and make the decisions for themselves, that’s what most parents can’t do. The most common saying is usually: What I’ll say and decide you will obey it unconditionally and without any disagreement. We are parents and we have total command under our kids and a lot of them just have to show that power in demanding and expecting …
But tell me something different: Did you ever think of how our society is abusive to our kids? Dividing people into social classes and casts by the most basic things like education, developing talents and interests and such things, this is the biggest abuse of all. That even in the richest and most democratic countries kids don’t have equal possibilities of education, developing their talents and integrating into society just because they’re maybe poorer and also from lower social classes or because they aren’t kids of famous persons, but just ordinary kids, this is by my opinion the biggest abuse of all.
Bombarding kids with too much fear toward strangers and socializing, having abnormal control under them, this is the second biggest one.
There are many more ways of abusing kids then just sexual one and the most of them are made at home and in the families.
That’s why I don’t have any expectations for my son. No dreams he should fulfill for me, no talents he has to develop just because I didn’t have the possibility for this to do by myself, no demands for him to be the first and the best. No, no such things. He’s the unique personality and despite his age he can and should have the right to take some decisions and participate in family matters.
And parents should learn how to listen and sometimes “obey” their kid’s decisions. Believe me, the relationship in the family would be much warmer and honest doing so and kids could fulfill their own dreams. You have to remember that only the person who is able and allowed to fulfill his own dreams can become really great personality and noble human being.