Christmas is comming again and will be here prety soon, but unfortunately every year this holiday of joy is less jolly. Last few years I hardly put the money for gifts together. Last year I didn’t have much money to buy some gifts, but this year I probably won’t buy any gifts at all. This year I even don’t hope for some checks to be payed what for buying presents. I don’t even know where to take some money to pay them.
And at such times I ask myself what brings the time till the end of this year, not only for me but for all of us? People are employed but earn less and less and the employers are more and more cruel and even in the time like Christmas is don’t care for anyone but themselves.
In such times I usually think about what was just passed year like and what happened during that year. I’m trying to think about good things which happened, but I hardly find some. There were mostly bad and unpleasant things which maybe just had to happen, I don’t know.
This year has begun continuing the last year’s isues and they didn’t end yet. I’ve got a bit of money, but as I wanted to do some urgent things at home, I’ve spent it for this purpose though I knew I’ll be in hopeless situation again. I’ve got consense with some kids I know from the forum I was banned off, but I had to do what I promissed to myself I won’t ever do. I’ve signed into their forum with another nickname. I wasn’t so extreamly happy as I was when I was invited to previous forum, but this was at least something. I’ve became even a mod there and actually I should be happy. But this is none of the forums I was invited in last year … so this is not the same. As I was banned from that forum last year, some kids, not quite connected to it left me too. They simply all of a sudden didn’t have the time to talk or to write an e-mail. They simply don’t have the time. Even one of my best friends doesn’t write anymore. She said she looked for me on the messengers, but I never saw her online … So this friendship went to waste somehow, too.
Last year I was a very colse friend also to one man, but in the beginning of this year this friendship he intended to make something more. He just couldn’t understand that I have my husband and am not willing to go away from him just to be with him. I also realized that there were a lot of lies on his part of friendship and that my banning from the forum I’ve mentioned above was in more close connection with him that I could imagine. I gave up on this friendship in hope that things will return in more normal order, but it wasn’t so at all. Nothing is like it was before and now I realize it never will be.
My father died last year in spring and I hoped all the formalities around the herritage will be done soon, but I was naive once again in my life thinking that father’s friend was honest. But she wasn’t She wants her share and now I can only wait what next months will bring. I don’t know whether she sued me or not. So for the top of the iceberg my home isn’t my yet at all. I can’t even think about what her “winning” could bring to us.
So the bad things are continuing. We played one online game and my friend grounded a guild which was really magnificient. Who woudl believe there was a bunch of lies and pretendings among the members, too. My friend grounded a club house at one of 3D messengers, pretending that it’s guild club house, but it was actually hiding place for him and (evenutally) me. Realizing what he wants I didn’t want to come there anymore. Right after that he got himself a new woman for what I actually was happy, but he threw away everything else. He didn’t care for the guild, forum, friends and even me anymore and everything fell to peaces. I hardly persued him to hand leadership of the guild over to me so we could continue, but it was laready too late. A lot of members – almost half of them dropped out and later on grounded their own guild lying and pretending they’re still my friends … Even some of them who stayed dropped out recently so there are hardly anyone from the first members there. Me and my husband are playing (or better were playing) every evening mostly just two of us and no other guild members so I even had a thought about dissmissing the guild. As things are happening this may even happen in the future, I don’t know.
With that, and with the fact that all children who were my friends once, abandoned me, I don’t need messenger anymore. Only jerks still are contacting me and that’s almost all. My webpages and spaces are deserted so I’m starting to considder to shut them down, too. And bad things aren’t over yet.
Life is green as I say. At work it’s everything even worse. We all of a sudden dn’t have real work but what we’ve got instead we actually don’t have freedom to be really creative. I’m sick and tired of everything and I am not really eager to go to work at all. It’s the time to change the job, but where to go? And even better question: Where to start? it’s worse and worse every day and even this magic time doesn’t bring me any joy at all.
Now for the top of everything my husband brought us a dog for my son to have it, but my son already feels it isn’t like he imagined. For me it’s just one expense more and consumer of my so short free time. I said my reasons against it, but no one really listened.
So this, for a lot of people magnificient time, is actually most hopeless and unhappy time for me. What could rejoyce me? Nothing at all. No money, no friends, no guild members, no herritage, high expences and bad job. What can I be happy for at all? I won’t be able to go to buy presents even for my son and husband and all what remains are regular expences and loans. I should work something else and earn something but I have no will to do anything at all.